The Cost of Doing Business (Part 2)

The biggest difference in how officers respond to trauma and death (IMO) is the culture of the department and the supervisors around them.  We all know most first responders and military have a dark sense of humor, sometimes almost to a point it is offensive to people who AREN'T in those same circles.

My wife is one of those people who "get" the dark humor, but doesn't actually get it and that's OK.  She helps to keep me regulated in that regard.

My first homicide victim was a 19 year old man who was gunned down leaving a corner store after having bought a bag of chips and a red pop of some sort.  I can remember as I was tasked with putting up tape I just stood there staring at this lifeless body wrapped up in a bicycle and leaned against the wall.  I can even remember hearing the shots from the district station.  The hearing of the shots and now seeing this life snuffed out was a weird concoction of sorts.

While I didn't know this guy at all, and it was going to be another of the multiple (probably) unsolved murders in Chicago of another Black man, I was still spellbound by the scene.  My FTO must have seen me just standing there because he came up next to me and made a remark about the red pop spilled out on the ground around the victim.  That comment, the humorous way it was said, and the context of the scene brought me out of my staring stupor and allowed me to tape off the scene.  While we didn't talk about the call after, the perspective I was given that day allowed me to focus on something small, minuscule, or mundane about a scene.  Ever since then I find odd ball things about a violent scene and try to sear that into my memory.

That was the only coping strategy I learned that semi-helped me on the streets.  It wasn't until I went to a professional therapist to find out more concrete, and honestly, more beneficial ways to cope with the things we deal with as cops.  While that red pop and it's lesson has been built into who I am as a cop and how I cope, it isn't always enough.

Most first responders have poor coping strategies, and most academies don't incorporate proper training in how to build in coping strategies to police work and life.  While some cops will say they never bring work home with them, I find that hard to believe, because while your spouse and kids may not hear about work, its still there.  In the back of your brain.  Waiting and building up over the years, which might account for the short life span (which last I checked was 3 years) after retirement for cops.

In my previous post my new sergeant went out of his way to make sure I knew returning home for the funeral would be no issue, and it wasn't.  Upon returning to work that same sergeant pulled me aside and made sure I was doing alright.  He even approached my Commander and explained what had happened and my Commander took care of one of the days I had to burn time for.  Something I didn't ask for or expect.

This situation was unique and something I hadn't experienced while at my previous agency (and hope to never again), the checking in was definitely something new.    Even the response email from my new dept's wellness sergeant was more about resources for grief counseling and help than I even knew was available.  My fellow coworkers asked how I was doing, and it wasn't a quick inquiry, they pried and asked questions, and then they listened and shared their stories and their ways of handling the suicide of a friend.

Could the differences be because of the massive size difference between the new and old departments?

Maybe.

Or is it a department culture that makes the biggest difference?

(My money is on culture between them as the leading cuprit)

I can recall many of the shootings I was on as a cop.  Specific details like the red pop, a smell, or things more graphic on what bullets or sitting in the hot, humid summer Chicago sun, can do to a body.  I know other cops do as well, again referencing our dark humor and how we describe injuries or joke about near death experiences ourselves.

But back to department and cop culture....

Some calls can be haunting, the ones that stick with you for life.  They aren't always the most violent, but the level of egregiousness they reach emotionally is what can cause them to stick.  Many times it involves children being traumatized or killed.  It's when the call attaches itself to our human (yes, cops are human) emotions that the calls really stick with us.

While with my new department I responded to an extremely violence domestic violence call.  The haunting nature of the call I could tell affected everyone there, myself very much included.  And while we all handled ourselves with professionalism and compassion, I could tell it was weighing on many.  I was tasked with handling some of the survivors of the incident and did my best to help keep them at ease and know they were safe and protected.  

It was that deeper interactions with them that made it harder for me.

But we debriefed the call the next day.  Something I had never seen done in Chicago other than after a search warrant or an officer use of force event.  Here we were as a watch talking about what took place and how we each played a part, what we learned, and how we can improve.  Again, maybe the size of the department is the issue, but the 5 minutes we took to break down the call meant we could look out for each other.

Another supervisor came up to me later on the day after and checked in on me, especially since I had such a direct involvement with the victims.  When I gave him an honest answer his response was genuine and concerning.  He then asked how I felt the others on scene were doing, and his response was he would have a local psychology service come out to the station to debrief as a group and individuals.  

Something more than combat breathing or choir practice after work.

When a friend and coworker got into a shooting in Chicago we never debriefed as a team until we were drinking beers and eating pizza weeks later.  

I know I can pin the blame directly on supervision, but the difference I've noticed is that it isn't the supervisors overlooking something, it's just something that was never taught, encouraged, or supported in one agency.  But is supported, celebrated, and nearly required in another.

When I hear about cops committing suicide I have now begun to think harder about what works for me in regards to how I cope.  I lucked out when I married my wife, she has a degree in psychology and my mother-in-law is a (now retired) psychologist.  So the taboo aspect of mental health in my household is totally different from how it was looked down upon in Chicago.  When I felt that balance shift in my brain I knew I had to seek out professionals to 'right the ship' and bring that balance back.  It was something I shared, but was also very private about because it wasn't something that was celebrated in Chicago.  At least not overtly.

I have talked about police culture and mental health issues, and how many times it is just a "tough love" situation at most departments.  When I saw how that tough love changed many cops, I knew I didn't want to go down those same paths as those officers and run the risk of getting lost in poor behaviors and bad coping mechanisms.

I feel there's been a very visible shift in how many departments react to situations their officers experience.  There is more talk and support being offered, but it has to be more than words and being a talking head on a news program expounding on the stats.  It is that tangible, face-to-face interaction that I think will make the biggest difference in how departments treat their officers for trauma exposure.  It is the supervisors that bring in resources and go beyond just offering them, but perhaps requiring them for their officers after a bad call.

It will also take more officers sharing their stories, experiences, and internal struggles with trauma, bad calls, and just the stress of the job as a whole.  And it isn't the quiet talks in the corner, but the speaking up during a roll call, or those prying questions that delve deeper with a coworker that will make the difference.  It is the noticing of a behavior change in someone; that usually boisterous cop that always has a joke or comment is now withdrawn and sitting in the corner and not the center of the room.

It will also be just letting a friend and coworker express their emotions and really listening to them.  It doesn't have to always be a shoulder to cry on, but a safe haven for them to let loose.  It will be departments increasing their peer support offerings and states changing laws to protect those conversations had with peer support.

And it will be us, as a profession, recognizing what we face daily isn't normal.  It was never supposed to be normal, but we as a whole just have come to accept it as normal because it is familiar, and within familiarity there is comfort.  Its probably why I'm extremely comfortable on a violent and chaotic scene, I've made it too normal for me, and that's not necessarily a good thing.

My hope is that departments that really want to change the culture will look around and outside of their 4 walls.  While the big departments can offer support, they need to look to the medium and smaller ones of how to actually express that support and elicit change in their department.

My ultimate hope, however is selfish: 

I hope to never get that text or call on my way to work of another friend making a permanent decision to remove themselves from this planet, that I'll never have to salute another casket with that friend lying in it, and that I'll never have to don another memorial band on my badge as the bagpipes pay their song of farewell.